Hey there! This week, due to everything shifting the wrong way, we were unable to record a normal episode! But we have technology in our pockets and a boring road ahead of us, so we recorded THIS for you instead! Come order a large imported catfish meal and enjoy!
Neither Aaron and John are the host this week. Your host is the UNCARING, OPEN ROAD. HUG ITS ASPHALT EMBRACE.
Mark Zuckerberg swivels in his chair to face the picture window behind him. So close that he can hear the deep bass thumping, a Captain Jack concert has been hastily assembled. He can see the stage even from here. “Too close,” he whispers to himself. “Far, far too close. I’m slipping.” Idly, his hand brushes against a framed photo, worn with age. The captain smiles at him from the past, a knowing grin. Power is in his every tooth. Crewman Zuckerberg shudders.
Deep under the Pentagon, there is a door. An armed guard stands at this door, ever watchful. Should you present the proper credentials, you will be allowed beyond. Inside is a brightly lit and sterile elevator. Should you take that elevator down as far as it goes you may find yourself in a large, open space underground. To the naked eye, it may look like an indoor football field. But to the nation’s top military commanders, it looks like the training grounds for America’s elite freedom strike force. Enemies of America: Are you ready for some football?
Listen kids don’t put that salad in your mouth. It’s…not healthy OK. Nothing here is healthy. You can’t eat anything at this restaurant, or at least you shouldn’t.