The Waves! The Races! The Sixty-Fours! Never has one game combined so many nouns successfully and succinctly. It had a sponsor and and it had dolphins but it knew better than to not push its luck on the name. No, three is the magic number. Let the waves do the talking! When the world is covered in Wave Race 64 carts we will be let nature take its course. Wave Race will feed us. Wave Race will care for us. Wave Race is life.
Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is in need of the perfect meatball sub. John Hurst is your co-host and he promises a new podcast platform we can all depend on (We cannot depend on it.)
Gather your teen pop posse and dance a closely-knit jig, because it’s time for witchery to begin. We have one single target: A single boy in a field of flowers. The goal: throw him into the minivan. Most importantly, do not ask or answer questions. If someone asks if you are the Irish pop group B*Witched (with a star in the middle) you say “Yes” but don’t you dare answer “But the Record Wizard is the one in control.” It may be true, but don’t speak it! The dog will be recording. We will know.
John Hurst is your host this week and he’s going to complain to Father Time in the form of a written letter. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he has enough blue and green food coloring for all the pancakes.
Donnie Yen! You get off this car this instance! You don’t know where it’s been! I leave you alone for two minutes and you’re breakdancing all over the city like the opening to some Hong Kong film! Slapping stickers all over yourself like you are sponsored and warming up hot dogs in your pants? What will the people say? … Other than that you’re super fly of course! Nah, Donnie Yen, you can do whatever you want. Keep on breakin’! Breakin’ 2 maybe, even!
Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s ready to search very, very low for a hot dog. John Hurst is your co-host and he knows a guy who can find an Egg Roll.
The Classic Rock station is on. You don’t know why it’s on. You didn’t turn to it. You thought you were listening to your Bluetooth phone. but it’s there and it’s playing Creed. That Creed song. The song that takes you higher. You start wondering where the time went. Where your friends are. Hey, look at this photograph. No, wait, wrong song. “Higher.” Yes, take me higher. Raise both of those arms wide open. You pull over at the Scot-Stop and get some coffee. The song continues in the store with the low hum from the beer section. The clerk looks at you with a nod. He says he saw Creed back in ’99. You don’t believe him. You know what happened to those who saw the band. You were the lead guitarist Mark Tremonti. It was a mess. You did what Brian Henson told you to do and never spoke of it again. The nightmares speak for you. You bought a boat and thought you could finally find peace. You did not. You got coffee instead.
You get back into the car. You hear a click from the back seat. “Don’t move”, a false baritone voice says. It’s Scott Stapp. You can see in the fuzz growing from his back from the rear-view mirror. You realize the situation now. You never really did leave. No one did.
John Hurst is your host this week and he wants to eat the Fruits of Atlantis. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s now officially licensed to be a co-host!
