May 2022

20 yards away there is a bear. It’s running at you. You’re not sure though. You need to use math and you’re math, for lack of a better word, is faulty. You got your bear spray with you and you’re not afraid to use it. You just want to make sure you’re not wasting it. The bear would not appreciate you wasting it. You certainly don’t to waste it in case because otherwise you will experience the full wrath of the bear running at you. It’s just mutual trust in a conflict, really. What if we could make it happen in a way that makes it easy to understand the distance though? A way that only 90s kids will know. Yes, that’s the ticket. Sorry, people who experiences the 80s, 00s and beyond. Your time is limited. It’s the 90s reign again. And we know how to stop the bears.

First, load Google Maps.

John Hurst is your host this week and and he’s trying to quickly judge distances in the most wrong way possible. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he doesn’t care if he fails Boating Safety in Science, Tennessee. You can’t stop him!

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Look up at the sky! It’s a UFO! Television Opening! Fromm the 70s! Several groups of people in several environments are on the case! Maybe. They’re looking like they are, save for the Sub crew. They’re ready for local goth night on the submarine. You can’t escape goth night, Gary! You gotta listen to Bauhaus and fight aliens with us! There’s no other way. Gary, come on. We’re going to Skydiving later too. I got a coupon. Where you going, Gary? Garrrrryy! Come on, man.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s going to make the taxi service for podcasters. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s trying to spend all this clout.

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Behold! A Nintendo! At your local mega toy store, even! Does that other store have? We say nay! Don’t even look in that trash fire they call a “shoppe”. We know they don’t have it because we of Toys R’ Us say they don’t! We made the deal with Nintendo! It’s our stock! You can’t have it! Unless you want to buy it from us? Then, okay. Maybe we can come to some sort of arrangement. We’ll meet in a secure location. Say, at our Toys R’ Us stores all across the US? Video Game Aisle? Ask for Rex at the video game counter. He’s the one with the knife wounds.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s trying to prevent the aging process by not learning. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he found a loop hole to get out of podcast conversations.

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Freeze, kids! Don’t you move! This is an emergency! A food emergency! We gotta get you the most non-food content your body can technically digest! Here, suck on this hose full of cheese! Then eat the fruit roll up and corn! Your body will eventually make something that resembles nutrition, but for the sake of all that is Holy, you cannot move. And you definitely cannot eat that brownie. THAT BROWNIE IS LAST FOR A REASON. Didn’t you follow the directions on the– oh god they ate the brownie. Get the penguin. Get the damn penguin! Now!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is worried about when the fruit roll-up comes into play. John Hurst is your co-host and he loves the flavor of yellow Quantum Juice, full of yellow!

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Ask us questions at questions@videodeathloop.com!