August 2022

Shaq goes out onto the ice, slipping on his curling shoes and sliding out to eruptious applause. Pepsi has abandoned him, but none of these fans will. They know his ability to throw the rock, to hurry hard into the goal; Charles Barkley agrees. There is only one obstacle between him and Olympic glory: A pair of very comfortable shorts. You need pants out there, Shaq. It’s cold out there. Shaq. Shaq.

John Hurst is your host this week and he is going to lick that battery. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is extremely critical about Winter Olympic locations.

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Kielbasa! Kielbasa subs everywhere! There’s a party at the Subway Sandwich Shop and you’re not invited because the fire marshal is full enforcement. He lost all his mutant powers during the House of M story arc so he has to use words and pleads for people to not make places into a fire hazard for the Kielbasa Sub from Subway. He wants a taste of the sauerkraut packed blessing too but duty calls first. The blaze of Polka never ends. The P-Man are here to protect us.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s not going to speed run Lee Trevino’s Fighting Golf. John Hurst is your co-host and he has questions about Wolverine’s new powers.

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Michael Bolton does the same thing every day. He wakes up in an exotic location of his own choosing. It’s always a different exotic location. He wanders to his boat, powered by shadowy drivers and crooning, and they go exploring, presumably looking for ladies or abandoned boats or something. Then he goes home and has 800,000 more dollars from the crooning. He wakes up again in another exotic location and repeats the process. He has done this for 20 years. No one can stop him. Not even Michael Bolton himself. And ESPECIALLY not Michael Bolton of Garfield Avenue. Not yet anyway.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s doesn’t want any greasy trophies. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s trying to avoid the bees.

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This is your brain. This is your brain smashing a pan on things. It feels pretty nice, doesn’t it? Fun even. They don’t need that set after they’re done. They’re going to burn it down. Not even for insurance! Not even for pleasure! They just do it. And then you’re going to go voice act as Tifa Lockhart (Sometimes) like Rachel Leigh Cook does here. Yeah, you didn’t know that connection before now, did you? We didn’t either. Now it’s in your brain. Your brain that is on DRUGS. GET THE EGG. BURN THE EGG DOWN.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s doing to bare minimum to differentiate himself from the co-host (including not eating the entire sunflower seed.) John Hurst is your co-host and he wants umpires for congress.

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