Year: 2022

Gather your teen pop posse and dance a closely-knit jig, because it’s time for witchery to begin. We have one single target: A single boy in a field of flowers. The goal: throw him into the minivan. Most importantly, do not ask or answer questions. If someone asks if you are the Irish pop group B*Witched (with a star in the middle) you say “Yes” but don’t you dare answer “But the Record Wizard is the one in control.” It may be true, but don’t speak it! The dog will be recording. We will know.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s going to complain to Father Time in the form of a written letter. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he has enough blue and green food coloring for all the pancakes.

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Donnie Yen! You get off this car this instance! You don’t know where it’s been! I leave you alone for two minutes and you’re breakdancing all over the city like the opening to some Hong Kong film! Slapping stickers all over yourself like you are sponsored and warming up hot dogs in your pants? What will the people say? … Other than that you’re super fly of course! Nah, Donnie Yen, you can do whatever you want. Keep on breakin’! Breakin’ 2 maybe, even!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s ready to search very, very low for a hot dog. John Hurst is your co-host and he knows a guy who can find an Egg Roll.

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The Classic Rock station is on. You don’t know why it’s on. You didn’t turn to it. You thought you were listening to your Bluetooth phone. but it’s there and it’s playing Creed. That Creed song. The song that takes you higher. You start wondering where the time went. Where your friends are. Hey, look at this photograph. No, wait, wrong song. “Higher.” Yes, take me higher. Raise both of those arms wide open. You pull over at the Scot-Stop and get some coffee. The song continues in the store with the low hum from the beer section. The clerk looks at you with a nod. He says he saw Creed back in ’99. You don’t believe him. You know what happened to those who saw the band. You were the lead guitarist Mark Tremonti. It was a mess. You did what Brian Henson told you to do and never spoke of it again. The nightmares speak for you. You bought a boat and thought you could finally find peace. You did not. You got coffee instead.

You get back into the car. You hear a click from the back seat. “Don’t move”, a false baritone voice says. It’s Scott Stapp. You can see in the fuzz growing from his back from the rear-view mirror. You realize the situation now. You never really did leave. No one did.

John Hurst is your host this week and he wants to eat the Fruits of Atlantis. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s now officially licensed to be a co-host!

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Maritime Law is NOW. Come aboard the cruise ship! Kathy Lee Gifford is here to show you the way! Sneak on some alcohol and buy their expensive alcohol too! Become a goblin! Celebrate the purge! Drink in a Frog Bar… Thing? We don’t know what that is or what you do on a cruise ship but we know what we’re going to do as soon as we are forced on one! Also, we hope that they have internet for all this Crackle we are watching.

Aaron Littleton is your host and he’s entering the Plinko Dungeon. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s not going to see Lucky Number Slevin after this episode, despite what he said during the episode.

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Attention, Spacemart Shoppers! We know we could just give you a text notification into your intellivisor, but we feel the bitcrushed tone of the personal announcement system just has that special touch, you know? We hope you’re enjoying your fabulous new virtual reality shopping experience like we are recreating it! We just released the latest version and now have implementing queues for your inconvenience. Now you stand around in real life and in the virtual one! Double standing! Also, there’s a bunch of apples on sale. We cannot guarantee they actually exist. Please buy eight or more.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s ready to take off this slightly wet sock. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s waiting to do a 10-pull for a five star market greeter.

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Ask us questions at questions@videodeathloop.com!