Year: 2023

Is there anything less enticing that a non-alocholic ad for a day of significance Americans love to alcohol it up on? Sources say no. Everyone says no. But Party City says maybe? We’re not sure if they said yes. They clearly hired actors to act like they’re having a party so they’re trying their best. But everyone looks like they are in the highs of just learning of what dubstep is and how it would change their local dance and sports bar. And I guess in that way we all succeed. Pass the venetian blind sunglasses. It’s go time.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s overclocking this vape in the corner. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he is helping to evolve the English language to its rightful final form.

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Wake Up! There’s a complete breakfast to be had! You must consume it now. Make it uncomplete! Nabisco Brands depends on you for the profit forecast! We rented three bear suits and one of them will not give theirs back! We hired him on as staff as a barter for getting the suit and our deposit back but we made things very, very, very much worse. Look, after you complete that breakfast, come up to my office. We got a box of cereal blankets waiting for you. At a cost. Are you willing to accept the responsibility of the Teddy Graham?

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is haunted. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s ramping it up!

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You know the song. It’s stuck in your head now. We don’t need to do anything else to describe it. Babies come out of the womb and their first immediate sounds are dun dun dun dun dun in rapid succession. That’s the kind of guy Funky D the DJ King is. Oh, wait. You said his name is Darude? … He’s too cool for that name. I think he’s Funky D the DJ King now. An AI told us we were cool for naming that too, so we must be cool.

John Hurst is your host this week and he finds a middle school connection we all had at least in our system. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got a multi-step process for braces.

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“What a lovely place you have!” your guests says as they sip the cup of tea you provided. You glance around nervously. Yes, it’s nice. You bought it. You know it. You just don’t know if it could be… Inside enough. The walls are all there as is the roof. But the windows are a weak point. Temporary allowances of outside penetrating this indoor space. And don’t even get started on the door. That’s the worst of the lot. No, you simply wish for more. You pet the lavish goose plush on your lap. Your only comfort. It keeps the outside thoughts… Out. Where they belong.

You do not reply. The goose does not honk. Your guest can sense the awkwardness in the air, but all else is still. You are not a very good host. You should work on this.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is worried about tunnel girth. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s got a new tactic to use at the park against geese.

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The lullaby plays again. The occurrence begins again. It’s loop three. You’re back in your younger self. This time, you memorized all the great steps. The lotto numbers, the grunge era, the beanie baby fad. It’s all there in your head. You simply need to tell someone and convince them that this time around you are a voice that deserves listening to. “Call the president”, you tell your parental unit. “I can fix this conflict.” Your parental unit laughs and cuts the crust off your sandwich. This is not the intended outcome. But it’s a good start.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s not an AI voice model (Yet.) Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s trying to skip out on those middle school years this time around.

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