Can the coach that brought the 1985 Chicago Bears bring your local soda brand to victory? Schweggman thinks so! Don’t worry about potentially food poisoning! Mike Ditka will solve your problem while you’re in agony! As long as it’s a sport and it involves coaching. If it doesn’t, sorry, Big Shot Soda and Mike Ditka are not responsible!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s already being a bad neighbor at his new place. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got the solution to all your outdoor problems in a chainsaw.

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We don’t know a damn thing about clams or clam juice. We’re never going to get our inheritance at this rate! Can we partake? We… Just… Don’t… Know! Better watch this one on loop to see.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s recording the second take right now. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s giving a little warmth to the room as you listen to the radio for presidential reasons.

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Everybody! It is unequivalably required by you, the consumer, to move your feet and move your body! Preferably in a direction that leads to the local tanning salons where you will find great deals on ways to get a tan that does not involve (too much) of the sun! Please enjoy our salad bar. Or not! We’re pretty chill about it. Don’t put tomatoes on your eyes.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s sneaking some croutons into the booth. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s got the same speech planned out whether he wins the presidency or not.

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It’s tough being Mr. T. You got to act tough all the time. Wear the chains. Yell at a dude bro. Drive in a tank. Throw a snickers at some wimp. It wears down on a person. Noone asks if Mr. T wants a snickers. He can only distribute. Sure he could go into the stash he has in the tank but that’s just not right; that box of snickers are exclusively for wimps who need more nuts. It’s like admitting defeat! So he drives and he drives and the sun comes down and the moon has come and long ago somebody has left with the cup and– Wait, now I’m just quoting “The Distance” by Cake, aren’t I?

…. HE’S GOING THE DISTANCE. HE’S GOING FOR SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s measuring curling lanes by tank treads. John Hurst is your co-host and you got to use him for the whole hour regardless, sorry.

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Hello. Welcome to Californication. We hope you enjoy our new open beta. Please keep all hands and feet inside the ride as we introduce you to four shirtless dudes who are both shirtless in fantasy and reality. Adding a shirt to these individuals is not allowed. Especially for Flea. He’s got us this sweet Silicon Graphics Workstation to make this with after all.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s stuck on the theme park ride waiting to hijack it from the next conductor/co-worker. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he can spot a bigfoot from a hundred yards in SD Youtube Clarity.

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