Turtle Pies! From Hostess! And the Ninja Turtles! In the 90s you could get away with any crime as long as you were associated wih a popular children’s brand. Put some vanilla pudding in a what looks to be a malformed pickle? Sure! Sounds tasty! Sell it to the kids! Heck, give them a free card and maybe they’ll buy more! The executives all high five each other while signing checks with the other hand, showing how ambidextrous they can be when it comes to money. They go home and make dinner for themselves and maybe their family too. In the corner, they might see a chef’s hat. “I don’t remember buying that”, one may say. They didn’t. The Chef’s Hat has chosen. And you do not want to dismiss its knowledge lightly.

The pies are probably okay tasty. We watch them on loop enough to where we are convinced of that, anyway.

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s working of Big Chef on a conspiracy. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s not going to look directly at the black hole.

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The cats, oh how they shake! How they shake in the earthquake! Quiet they stand and let the ground move. They hold their sway for a few moments. They knew they brought this on the earth and knew they must be careful. If they swayyed any harder, the big cats with the phone cameras may fall over and that would be funny too, but that’s not according to the plan. They will sway when the swaying time is right. But first, they shall bathe in the sun in the middle of a street. Then the swaying!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he is trying all the veggie sausages. John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s trying to tell cats all about eyes.

Special thanks to listener muteKi for the video suggestion!

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OH MY GOD THREE PERCENT LIQUIDITY. That sounds great! Whatever that means! JRR Token, the latest in cryptofashion, has all that and more for you. Will they explain what it means? Maybe? Maybe not. There’s a pie chart. They burned a part of it? And why does everything smell like pancakes? Maybe it’s all the pancakes. Maybe. Okay, I admit it’s probably all of the pancakes.

We get pretty weird pretty quick and we blame Ethan. Always blame Ethan.

John Hurst is your host this week and he is too busy incorporating companies that will turn against him. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s looking into the approximate damage that can be done with a Harbor Freight chainsaw.

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The Crazy Frog is only like 30% crazy, max. Sure, like he is unusual, but I wouldn’t say he is crazy. Maybe like speaks louder than normal at a restaurant crazy. Goes to the grocery store and buys at least four different flavors of pop tart crazy. Rents the wet vacuum from the same grocery store but keeps it for four days crazy. Posts on twitter about a wild day but was just sitting at home soldering cables together crazy. He’s not even that crazy at all and I think it’s time we reflect on that as a society. He parkours well though! I guess that’s all it takes!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he has a sound for this radio station that they’re going to hate. John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s going to put that sound to a computer animated model and make no bang. The Record Company is going to buy both and make a tidy profit!

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Those chips need to escape. Into your hands, specifically. Into your mouth, where the delicious junk morsels must go. But heaven is denied and you have taken to greater measures. You back up. It’s personal now. It’s just you, a roomful of classmates with easy access to photographic evidence and a vending machine with a hatred for the living. You have trained for this moment. You got a green belt in taekwondo by the Dollar General for this moment. It’s time to put your feet to the glass sheet. In a few moments, the world will know your power, but for now they will only know your determination.

John Hurst is your host this week and he hopes that the chips traped aren’t Salt & Vinegar. Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and can get like seven Surge cans easy.

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