Your abs need a shape! Any shape! And you need to find the perfect way to do nothing while doing that! What if I said I had that and can still make you terrified to do small menial tasks while doing so? Then I have the Hawaii Chair just for you! Imagine a chair with barely the usefulness of sitting down. Now imagine if it was spinning like a carnival ride the entire time. It can be yours if you want! All you need is to go back to 2008 and tell yourself about it! And then, if your past self doesn’t say “No” immediately, you’re basically there! Get with the future! The past of the future! It’s the Hawaii Chair!

John Hurst is your co-host this week and he’s got a devious trap for Mr. Bond involving the Hawaii Chair. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he’s been upgraded with the most recent version of the co-host software used by podcasters everywhere!

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You are Tom Green. You just put a mouse in your mouth. It’s the third time you’ve done it this week for three different movies. You think this one is for some movie called Road Trip, but you’re not quite sure. You’re mixing up the movie plots. You would be mixing up the lines, but you don’t have any; the director just gave you a big blank check and say “Be Tom Green”. And you are! You’re great at being Tom Green! Maybe even the best of it! But that mouse is in your mouth and maybe you don’t feel like you’re the best Tom Green a Tom Green can be. You’ll go home and turn on your TV and see more of you on the Music Television and wonder why can’t you be that Tom Green again. So young and so full of spry! Not full of mouse. You take the mouse out of your mouth and pet its furry little head. He’s in the same boat as you. You just get more of the cheese. The director yells “Cut!” and both of you are free. Finally free.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and is in big trouble for his SNL impression. John Hurst is your co-host and he needs a Beer Koozy for his Truly, stat.

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The world wasn’t ready for the FlavorPro Injector. Noone was. Not you. Not me. Not the Rocket School where it was used to keep its inventor around because noone knew how to properly baste a meat despite having plenty of access to fire and potential cooking experience from the fire. He was a person of principle and that principle was “WHAT IF WE HAD MORE LIQUID IN THIS MEAT?!” That was his catchphrase. Everyone knew it because they had no choice. It was a rite of passage at Rocket School. You got basted one way or the other, and the man with the Flavor Pro was ready any time. Any time.

But like, not in a creepy way. He just wanted to inject thick sauces into meats. Don’t read into it any further. No, really don’t–

John Hurst is your host this week and he is allowed to leave a few minutes early to the non-benefit of science. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he thinks 4:3 is the perfect ration.

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It’s time to go to sleep, engineer! Get to the back to the caboose, where you sleep, I think. They didn’t pay for that insurance for nothing! And if they did, well, why did they do that?! While you’re going back there, tell them about our in-transit entertainment, which is nothing but the opening to the Hanna-Barbera Live Action Sitcom “Going Bananas” on loop until they can’t take it anymore. Keep them watching until they fight on top of the train like we know everyone secretly wants to do! We can’t keep them off the roof these days, you know! All pretending the terrorists or wendigos or what have you. Say, you’re not a wendigo, right? Didn’t eat any human flesh recently? Well, good. You know we have to check for that. Amtrak told us to. It’s in the employee video! Wendigo? Just say no!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he has bird questions! John Hurst is your co-host and he’s very tired at the zoo.

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It’s 2:04 in the afternoon. It’s time to start getting ready to go home from school. Or… Is it? Maybe you put on your sweatband. Maybe you put on your dancing gloves. Maybe you have the whole suit to go with it! The breakdance suit. Because you’re part of the Breakdance Club at your local high school and it’s time to GET SERIOUS. FOR BREAKDANCING. It’s the only thing stopping you from getting a 4.0 GPA somehow. Clubs are that serious. You’re going to get some serious legal rights to stream various things and you’re going for the high bar. You’re going to be doing all the flares, all the spins, all the things they taught you on that discarded VHS tape of Breakin’ you found at the dumpster of your Hollywood Video. It’s all on the line. So get to steppin’, fool!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s trying to work up to get free NFL Broadcasting rights. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he has consulted a representative to make sure co-hosting duties are all up to date.

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