I’m sure…I’m sure the Mathnasium advertising department meant well. I’m sure someone very intelligent thought these animated characters would help kids connect with math. I’m sure, somewhere along the pipe, the designs were created by someone who knew a thing or two about art and approved by someone who only had the best of intentions in mind. I’m sure of all of these things.

And yet.

This Mathnasium commercial is one of the strangest things I’ve seen in a very long time. And I had to watch it over and over and over until I internalized its bizarre logic.

John Hurst hosts this week and determines the area of a pyramid. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and talks about F.A.C.T.S.

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Riding high on the success of the Playstation era Final Fantasy games, Squaresoft bet the farm on an experimental form of realistic CG storytelling about a decade before the technology was really ready for it. Highly anticipated (by nerds) and mildly panned (by the same nerds) Final Fantasy The Spirits Within was the culmination of a video game studio at the height of excess. Honestly that’s all I remember about it, which is why we talked about Clerks instead.

Here’s the Final Fantasy The Spirits Within trailer we tried very hard not to watch.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and gets all the movies early. John Hurst is your co-host and looks at a shelf.

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Do you have a question? Is it about a computer running Windows 95? Well, the  computer man is here for you. Especially if you’re a Candian child, you’re free to ask away. You get 10 seconds and you better hurry before this becomes a problem.

Thanks Canadian kids’ television, for providing us with The Computer Man video that we watched this week. It’s honestly the best.

John Hurst hosts and undergoes interrogation from the CBI. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and ponders irrigation.

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Your eyes flutter open, but it hardly matters. The darkness of the cabin in near complete, and the sound of waves lapping against the hull muffles all noise to a distant rumble. You struggle for a moment to determine why you have woke, but the night offers no clues.

Almost unbidden, you find your feet climbing the stairs to the deck of the little boat. Night at sea is a terrifying kind of peaceful. Should the ocean swallow you up, who would know but you? Well, you…and the manta rays. You look over the rail and see them crowding around your boat, as they have the entire trip. You lean over to get a better look, seeing them slide across one another in an endless churn. If only you could breathe under water, you might be able to see what they were doing, but that’s impossible, right?

Anyway, we watched a Game Genie commercial.

Aaron Littleton hosts this week and is aghast. John Hurst ko-hosts and says something to make Aaron aghast!

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Were it not for the inclusion of moderately popular 80s hair metal band Cinderella, this local chili dog stand commercial might have been lost to time. Lucky for us, we were able to ply its depths to discover the dark secrets of the sausagemen and the rot that is at the core of Celebration, Florida.

John Hurst hosts and waits to be bought by Disney. Aaron Littleton co-hosts and can’t fathom audio.

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